


Larger Than (In) Life

by kestra_troi



Category: New Girl
Genre: Drabble, Masturbation, Narcissism, Nonsense, Other, Overuse of Slang Words For Penis, PWP, Penis Size, Schmidt Has a Big Dick, Size Kink, Surprises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-28
Updated: 2014-11-28
Packaged: 2018-02-27 08:28:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2686022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kestra_troi/pseuds/kestra_troi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Schmidt sees some unexpected growth in his Jewish baloney pony. He celebrates by wanking. That is all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Larger Than (In) Life

**Author's Note:**

> I am not a fan of New Girl, I have only seen one episode, but then I saw a snippet of a Best of Schmidt video and then this happened.

Reaching down to adjust himself Schmidt gasped. _That’s not my—Wait a minute…Oh my god! I’m hung!_ Looking down at his soft willy Schmidt couldn’t believe what he saw. Instead of being his usual four-and-three-quarter inches soft, he seemed to be about seven inches soft. Bewildered and overjoyed Schmidt ran his fingers along his shaft. Goose bumps sprung up from the light, teasing touch. His johnson stirred, twitching from the gentle caress. Giggling to himself Schmidt began palming his anaconda watching with rapt awe, as it grew larger and longer. As his knob throbbed to full length Schmidt estimated it had to be at least eleven-and-a-half inches. _Way bigger than Nick…_

Schmidt gleefully took his huge schlong in hand. For the first time in his life he had to use both his hands to grip the shaft satisfactorily, and that fact shot him into overdrive. Jerking his hard-on with wild abandon Schmidt stared at himself in the mirror across from his bed. His hair was styled perfectly, his muscles flexing like a freaking Bowflex commercial, his cock larger-than-life in his hands… _I look good…Fuckin’ hot! Fuck! I’m such a stud! So hot! I’d do me! Yah! Fuck, I AM doin’ me! YAAAAH!_

Laughing excitedly Schmidt smacked his thick man-meat against his abs like a boss. He’d never been able to do that before. It was a rush. Now he knew why big-dicked guys were such assholes. “You don’t need to be a good person when you’re a fucking god!” 

Suddenly everything sharpened into even greater focus. Schmidt was a god, a god of sex. He could see people from all over the world coming to the apartment he shared to visit his bedroom for the opportunity to worship his amazing, humungous penis. Women _and_ men, both would forsake all others to beg for the chance to kiss his ding-a-ling. 

“Everybody will wanna shot at this.” Schmidt muttered as his hands sped up. _There will be feuds, riots, wars…all for the sake of my meat-stick._ His hands felt glorious on his god-like phallus, the pleasure well beyond what he expected. He was so going to charge people for the gift of servicing him and his majestic, marvelous erection. “Well when you ballin’…you ballin’.”

Schmidt got closer to the mirror. He wanted to see his perfect body up close when he came, he wanted to absorb every detail, remember every second of this magnificent experience. His muscles seemed all the more defined somehow thanks to his big joystick. His face seemed all the more chiseled and his jaw square again thanks somehow to his gigantic boner. His balls seemed fuller, lower, larger…prettier. He couldn’t imagine being any more perfect thanks to his gargantuan baby-maker, his one-eyed monster, his love muscle, his trouser snake, his manly-man wang…

“Holy fuckin’ shit! Yes! Yeeeeesssss!” Schmidt hollered still pumping away at his huge dong as he unleashed his load. Spurt after spurt of hot cum shot out of his rod like it was a cannon. Schmidt bellowed at the intensity of the orgasm ripping through him. He had never made such a noise in bed before; he had never cum so hard in his life either, so it seemed wholly appropriate. His cum covered the mirror in sticky, white globs, splatters, and streams. It was a sight beautiful to behold. 

At that moment his phone began to ring. _Perfect! I can take a picture of my cum load and talk to Payton all at the same time…_ As his hand touched his phone, Schmidt jerked awake, his hand outstretched to silence his alarm clock. 

In disbelief Schmidt reached down to fondle his pecker only to find his briefs soaked in cum, his dick soft as it was seemed to be smaller than he recalled. _A dream…It was ONLY A DREAM!! WHY!!!! WWWWWHHHHHYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_


End file.
